Re-entry "How to talk to an Ex-pat"

I have now experienced several months of repatriation, and I can say with certainty that very few people seem to care about what the last 11 years of my life were like living in Asia.  That is not meant to be an insult or complaint as much as it may seem.  It is an observation.

And so I have been thinking about it quite a bit.  WHY?  Why is it that I can have conversations with old friends and the topic of life in Hong Kong never comes up?  Or if it does it goes something like "Is it good to be back in Wisconsin?"  Such a question seems to cut off any talk of life in Asia all together.  

I have spent some time over the years reflecting on this phenomenon as similar experiences happened each summer when we would visit.  I believe there is a gap.  And I believe the gap has to do with curiosity and connection.  Brené Brown writes about curiosity and how humans find it very difficult to be curious about things they know nothing about.  I have recognized this in myself.  For example, when my sister had cancer some years ago, I simply didn't know what to ask or how to ask it.  And so I would steer the conversations in another direction.  While I did know how to be sympathetic and loving, I didn't know how to be curious.  But others who had already experienced cancer or who had prior experiences with friends seemed to know what to say or ask or talk about.  In my present situation, this often means that only people who have traveled or lived abroad or who have watched documentaries or movies about Asia are apt to engage in any discussion about my life in Asia.

"I didn't know how to be curious."

So, how DO you talk to an expat?  Like any good conversation a well-suited question with follow-up questions will likely lead to interesting tales and sagas which leave both parties satisfied.  Try these.

1. What surprised you about life there?
2. What things challenged or changed your world view?
3. What about your tastes/interests/talents/world view/priorities/sense of identity has changed?
4. What about Americans or America do you see/perceive differently now?
5. Where is home for you? or how do you define home now that you have lived various places?
6. What was the culture like?
7. How safe was it? 
8. Were you directly affected by the protests/National Security Law/Covid-19 pandemic in Hong Kong?
9. Were you directly affected by North Korean threats/Sewol tragedy/standard of living in Korea?
10. What was daily life like?
11. How is apartment living in Hong Kong different from your life in Wisconsin/Korea?
12. I'd like to learn more about (the history of/the economics of/the arts/the language/where you worked...)
13. 
    What holidays do they celebrate (not celebrate) there?
14. How prevalent is religion/Christianity/Catholicism/Buddhism/etc where you were?
15. What countries did you travel to? What were they like? 
16. How are Americans received/perceived in Korea/Hong Kong/China etc?  
17. What are experiences that you had that you would never have had without traveling to Asia/Korea/Hong Kong/etc.?
18. What are the grocery stores/public toilets/parking/public transportation/parks/public spaces/bars like?
19. What was it like to teach in an International school?  
20. How did you find and make friends?
21. What were your hobbies? Same as here or different?
22. Do you have any pictures to share?
23. What are some of the highlights from living/working/being/traveling abroad?
24. 
    What was different/interesting/surprising about the wildlife/school/culture/people/language/landscape/political landscape/architecture/East versus the West?
25. Did any of your values/beliefs change?
26. Did you read any good books?
27. Tell me about your pets?
28. Tell me about your kids?
29. Can you teach me how to say hello/goodbye/thank you in another language?
30. How much of the language did you learn and how/when did you use it?
    May every conversation lead to a greater connection and appreciation for one another's life's journey. - Brenda

(Photos top to bottom: Green Bay, WI at night, Big Buddha in Hong Kong, Buddhist Temple in Hong Kong, our kids in Hanbok traditional clothing of Korea). 

Photo Credits: Copyright Brenda Brayko